My Grandma Died at A Very Young Age of 78
My grandma was a mother of 4 sons and grandma of 6 grandsons and 3 granddaughters.
Contrary to the local customs, my grandma was literate and it was a big deal in her childhood. She always praised her elder brother for encouraging her to get a proper education while she was with him, then she married my grandfather at the age of 14.
My grandma didn’t know much about the world but she spent most of her afternoons reading religious books of Hindu Gods and Goddesses. It’s funny how she always preferred thinner books to fatter ones, it was because she could read them while lying in her bed which was adjacent to a window that was famous to blow cold & soothing air in scorching summer afternoons. Apart from being an avid reader, she was a phenomenal writer, she used to write holy hymns and sang them now and then.
Now that I see my grandma in retrospect, it irked me to know that she was never bored alone. Being a millennial, I could not digest the fact that how could a person live without the approval of someone else while being completely oblivious to the trends of the world?
It is a possibility that she constructed an entire world around her so she never ran out of things to do. She always stitched her clothes and believe me she was a perfectionist. Once she knitted a red and blue winter hat which I adored a lot. I saw her stitching her clothes and reading books — it seemed she is drowned in what she is doing. When she used to read, it felt like she wasn’t with us, wherever she was, I suspect it was a pleasant place to be.
Though she wasn’t fond of household chores — finally something that I can relate to.
Even after reading too many books, she told us the same stories over and over again. Instead of hanging out with the ladies of her age, she preferred hanging out with her grandchildren. I don’t know what made her so happy about us. She always seemed proud of us, not because of our academic achievements, but only because we were together and with her. I didn’t realize that happiness could be so selfless.
I never saw her sad, she was always happy. Now that I remember her, I only see her smiling face. She preferred living in the world she created on her own to the world we have. This could be one of the reasons behind her happiness. She lived life one day at a time and the best part is I saw her effortlessly doing it.
The family used to get together at festivals like Diwali and Holi, grandma used to be the happiest person among us all. When I was in high school, I lived in a different city, so whenever I came to the home in holidays, she used to run towards the gate to welcome me with a warm and affectionate embrace. I can never forget her smiling face and running towards me with her arms stretched wide open. I don’t know why she used to call me, Hero.
One thing about her behavior was different than others. She was getting old, each day her body was getting weaker and slower but she hid these changes so well that we didn’t even realize that she was getting old. She was yet another cousin to us, but crazier and cooler one. She fooled us all with her charm and positive aura. It is very common among people that when they get past to their 60s, they tend to get more sadistic towards their lives. They stop making plans that seem far ahead in the curve. But such was not the case with my grandma. She was always on board with any plans. Even in her late 70s, she had plans and dreams, she was more optimistic and alive than I have ever been in my life. I never saw her talking about death or things that will happen after her death. For her, she was always a part of the plan.
Sadly, I didn’t realize all this about her when she was still alive. And I think I will have to live with that.
Later, when I was in the final year of my Engineering, it was my last semester, I came home to study for the finals. In those days, I started waking up early in the morning with my granddad and meditating with him. In the evening, my granddad and I used to do our evening prayer and meditation together. Grandma had stopped doing meditation and prayer for some time because of her back pain. But one day I insisted her to join us in the evening. She agreed when I said she could do it while lying in bed. We all three started doing prayer and meditation together. I remember her telling me that how meditating with me made her feel good which seemed stupid to me because it made no sense how could meditating with me can make her feel good. But as you know by now, she used to say a lot of things only she knew why. Like, when we all used to sit outside in the evening, she would say out of nowhere, “Can you see the Pole Star? A person who cannot see Pole Star should consider that he/she is about to die.”
One day after our evening meditation, she told me, “Tilu, this meditation will help you a lot in your life. And you will remember that my Grandma used to say this.” And I just smiled at her innocence. But she kept saying this for a couple of days and all I did was smile. Little did I know, this was the first thing she said referring to her post-death life which was not her style.
It was almost the end of April; the weather was pleasant and we all used to sit outside in after the dinner and talk while looking at the stars. We were telling stories, jokes, laughing, and trying to absorb every last drop of this togetherness.
Suddenly grandma said, “Can anyone see, Pole Star? I cannot see it.”
Someone of us said, “It is right there, can’t you see?”
“No, I cannot see it. I think my time is near now.” She replied with a laugh.
“No, you’re not dying anytime soon. You’re just getting older.” We all laughed.
Finally, my final exams started and I had to commute to Sikar which was around 100 km away from my hometown. Therefore, I had to leave early in the morning so I couldn’t meet my Grandma before leaving for the exams.
After my second exam, I came to my home and I saw my mom, my aunt, and my two younger cousins were sitting together and they seemed worried. I asked them what was the deal and they told me that Grandma had a mild heart attack and she has been hospitalized. My uncle, who is also a doctor and elder brother of my father, and one of my younger cousins were there in the hospital with her. I immediately made a phone call to my cousin and asked him about her condition. He said that grandma’s condition has been stabilized now and there is nothing to worry about, soon they will come back home. I informed my mom and everyone who was there with me. We all took a breath of relief.
We were still sitting all together then after a while I felt a thread breaking in my heart. My heart raced immediately and I felt nothing after that. I asked my mom to call in the hospital and ask about Grandma, so she did, and there we had it, the news that we did not anticipate at all. My cousin was right, he said, they will be back home after a while, well they were, but not with my Grandma but only with her body. And I didn’t get to say goodbye to her.
I helped to take her body out of the car. I touched her but there wasn’t any life in her anymore, which was weird, because she had always been so full of it.
Indeed, her absence brings tears to my eyes now when I talk about her. But she never feels away from me, it feels like she’s always around, smiling, giving life to us all.
Sometimes I think she went too soon. We had plans and so many things to do. She wasn’t appreciated and celebrated enough, we didn’t even realize all this and she was gone. I wasn’t prepared for all this. 78 was a very young age for a person with so much love and hope. Maybe I am not the Hero she used to call me.
After 4 years of her death, I can tell that, I cannot imagine my life and my career without the meditation. And Yes, my grandma was right.
